Fourth Of September In Morganville
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: CRACKFIC! Vitzy has her birthday in Morganville, but what happens when Oliver, her boyfriend,gets her a present that completely conflicts Claire and Myrnin's? FOR VITZY! R&R. CRACKFIC! T FOR A REASON!


_For Vitzy & whoever got her the most __**amazing**__ birthday present in the history of the universe._

_I don't own anything_

_**CRACKFIC FOR A REASON…just so you all know :D**_

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"What do you want, _now_?" Oliver sighs as he looks across the café at the girl who he normally loves (if only for the reason that she doesn't run away from him as soon as he opens his mouth after _someone_ mentioned that he likes…let's not be going there) but is getting _really_ irritated by now.

Vitzy pouts, as customary when someone either disagrees with her or insults her…which is probably the more frequent thing that occurs in her life. More than once, one of her friends have told her to permanently pout so that when someone _doesn't_ disagree or insult her, she can smile. After all, it would save her a lot of energy.

"Ollie," she begins, her voice slightly highpitched and posh since she originates from the Southern part of England, where everyone doesn't _quite_ talk like David Cameron, but aren't as "rough" (aka normal) as the north. "You _know_ why I'm here. you said you have my birthday present?" she grins widely, knowing that, as it's her _eighteenth_ (everyone gasps) birthday present, it's going to be _more_ than epical.

He nods slowly, smiling for the first time this morning. He's already had to throw Myrnin and Claire (with Amelie's permission, she is too busy getting it off with Sam to care about what Oliver does) in the basement of Common Grounds since they are the prime suspects in the revamping of the café…no longer is it 'arty' and 'sophisticated' (dull and ugly to normal people) but it's pink and even has the odd unicorn drawn over the walls.

Oliver, as soon as this occurred, headed over to the lab where he found secret plans labelled "redecoration of the café" which he assumes is the evidence against Myrnin and Claire…but he hasn't looked inside to see they have plans to make it into an extension of the lab.

In fact, the perpetrator of the redecoration was Vitzy. After all, she's the girlfriend of the hippy vampire; _surely_ she should be allowed to choose how the café is decorated? You would expect so, but Oliver disagreed, saying that because she has continued to study medicine, she has to be subjected to having what _he_ wants.

"Yes, it's in the back," he rolls his eyes, keeping up the appearances slightly but also being like this because he's the moody, grouchy git of the vampire world.

"Don't have that tone with me," she shoots at him, eyes flaring up in warning – she's _very_ scary when she gets angry.

"Get out of my shop then," he responds childishly, trying to see what she'll do.

"Get out of my life, then," she comes up with the best response of the conversation so far, the one that has the entire vampire population in the café (and with the new décor, they're all in to laugh at Oliver) turning to look at them with a suddenly heightened interest.

"I didn't _mean _it," he hastily says, having to be subjective…as he's not exactly in control. "Now, I understand that Olly Murs and JLS are popping over for the concert in about half an hour, thank you for organising that even though it's for your own birthday," he continues, motioning to the carefully planned schedule on the side of the fridge.

"Yes, well…" she trails off, not adding how they want their million pound fee at the end of the set when she told Oliver it was free. "It'll be epic."

Then she reaches over and kisses him, getting over the grouchiness of her boyfriend and giving the vampire a kiss that has half the population embarrassed.

And gets Oliver a little happier about the birthday present he bought her.

"So you want your present now?" he asks her as the entire audience begin to wolfwhistle, some of them looking slightly upset as they realise he _isn't_ gay and that they could be sued for the libellous harassment they have been giving him for the past year or two ever since Myrnin told them that he was.

"No, I'll wait till Claire and Myrnin are here so they can give me their's as well," she replies, not knowing that Oliver had them locked away in the basement as punishment. "I want her to see Olly as well."

"Yes, well…I shall be back shortly," he frowns, disappearing suddenly to go release them from their little chamber downstairs. He has to knock about fifteen times to get them to move out of the way of the door because they're a bit busy kissing – he realises this isn't actually a punishment for them, since it's a time for them to be together promiscuously for Claire with an actual excuse for going missing.

But they head upstairs to find that Olly Murs and the JLS boys are already singing…and they have their tops off. Everyone in the room feels their temperature go higher slightly and Oliver begins to wonder whether he is secure enough in his relationship to know that Vitzy won't run off with Olly.

Well, actually, he knows she won't since he's already going out with her friend Vicky, but that's besides the point.

_~x~_

Three hours later, with every song sung including happy birthday, the one and only Olly Murs and all the JLS boys head out, Vitzy writing a cheque from Oliver's chequebook to pay them though he doesn't know this (at this time, he's too busy threatening Myrnin and Claire with revealing their affair).

But then Vitzy remembers something. As soon as Amelie and Sam walk in (unfortunate timing), she cries, "I WANT MY PRESENTS," like she is three years old again.

"Back to being the five year old, I see," Amelie rolls her eyes at the immaturity of the girl before her but Sam shakes his head.

"More like a three year old, I think," he laughs and Amelie only smiles, reaching up to kiss him in a way that reminds the audience of when Vitzy kissed Oliver – icky.

"I don't _care_," Vitzy's lower lip juts out again and she sits in the throne Oliver made for her birthday – solid gold, thank you very much, with a crusting of diamonds on the top. "It's my _birthday_! When it was yours, Amelie, I remember you using the fact it was your birthday to get everything faster. Therefore, _I want my presents_!"

"Have mine first," Oliver pacifies her by handing her a large but floppy package, which she rips open to find.

"Nightwear?" she questions, looking at the thick woollen dressing gown coupled with a skimpy negligee to go with it. "Oliver, you're not exactly on top form here, are you?" she sighs but smiles anyway and kisses him.

"Us next!" Claire and Myrnin call, a triumphant and proud smile between them – if Shane hasn't realised Claire has been cheating on him for about a year now, he's thicker than he looks.

Vitzy takes the package whilst the two cheaters get everyone to pay _close_ attention, reprimanding Amelie and Sam for having a bit of saucy time whilst they're supposed to be watching Vitzy.

She opens it and her cheeks flush with colour, whilst Amelie looks as if she wants to faint with embarrassment.

Claire and Myrnin, meanwhile, burst out laughing as Vitzy looks absolutely horrified that they bought her…

…a _vibrator_.

She decides not to think about what it's for and simply drops it on the floor before looking at Oliver who looks as if he's going to cry.

"What's wrong?" she asks urgently, ignoring the laughing people who all find this _hilarious_ and can totally understand what Claire and Myrnin are insinuating about their life together.

"I know why you need it!" he wails, collapsing to the floor near to Sam's feet. Sam who then _accidentally_ kicks him in the face, breaking Oliver's nose and citing the fact that he was laughing too hard as the reason why he lost control of his foot. Yeah, right.

Vitzy flushes again, realising that they're in the middle of the café with loads of people listening – they don't really need to be talking about this, do they?

"Listen, maybe we can talk later…?" she asks, just as the door opens.

In walks Richard Morrell, back to being a police chief since his Dad has popped back from the dead to take control of the town for a bit. "Oliver, mate, your cheque bounced so we need to arrest you for money laundering."

"Money laundering?" Vitzy's brow furrows as she tries to connect the dots. "But…"

"Money laundering is the closest thing we can arrest him for to what he did," Richard shrugs. "I want to change it but Hannah keeps telling me that the kids ate the rule book so I can't. Come on, Oliver."

He ties Oliver's hands behind his back just as Myrnin pops a little sign on his head saying, "I, Oliver, am gay," and he cannot remove it…which only has him crying even harder.

Amelie is still unconscious and Vitzy drops her newest birthday present on her face, which wakes her up. Richard looks down at this and laughs at the present. "You'll need that, kid. He's not out of prison _forever_."

And, with that, Oliver is arrested for the lack of money in his account, Amelie dies for some reason or another and Vitzy is left heartbroken…until she goes and tells Shane about Claire and Myrnin.

Just a happy fourth of September in Morganville!

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_Thoughts?_

_Don't fav without reviewing please!_

_Vicky xx_


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